Seriously, another plane crash?

Who cares any more? What a joke. Plane crashes are so common any more that it could possibly become as common as cell phones.

This time it was Iran, which is hilarious. Nobody important died (obviously, because important people don’t take aircraft that they know is going to blow up in mid-air like the Challenger spacecraft), so instead of the toll of one important person, it takes the lives of 150 nobodies. Another slapstick incident in the news, and another pair of people to pretend to give a damn.

Good job, Iran.

Robert Pattinson clipped by Taxi – fans could care less.

Evidently a bunch of horny teens wanting some big, fat Edward cock were stopped abrubtly as they scared poor Robert (Edward from Twilight, anyone?) out in to the street where he gets nailed by a taxi. Oh, excuse me – pussy-swiped by a taxi. I doubt he was even hit; I bet he was just scared shitless/bumped in to it and fell over and everyone else made a big scene out of it. Let’s face it, though, little girls – do they give a shit? I doubt it.

The big kicker for me is the obscene amounts of retards that are glad he was hit as if he committed some act of sin or outright crime. I don’t blame the poor guy for playing in Twilight – it was the right move! It’s not like he was super famous at the time and had thousands of scripts pouring in just waiting for him to pick from. He picked the best that was availiable and he gets dirt kicked on him. The only asshole in this situation is the idiots that have no idea what they are talking about. I’m glad he was in Twilight – I’m sure he regrets it, but it was definitely his door to fame.

Anyway, yeah. Fans? They don’t care. I’m sure the hardcore ones do, but the general population probably care more about the Twilight sequel being postponed than Robby getting nailed by a cab.  What a bunch of selfish assholes.

Obama swats fly – PETA gets bitchy.

What a badass [Youtube]. Seriously – it takes skill to teach a fly who the man is, even if it’s a fatass horse fly. I don’t care about what Obama does and I especially don’t care about him swatting a fly, but it’s definitely awesome that he taught that little fucker who’s boss. Flies are like women – if you don’t swing at them enough, they’ll keep getting on you and biting and being annoying. Obama was sending a message: women need to learn their place.

PETA ignored Obama’s glorious, masculine message, however, and thought it was cruel of our president to attack an innocent creature even though it could be carrying a virus and give it to him and he would die and our country would be ruined forever. PETA does one thing and one thing only – challenge power. They’re like women (and flies). Obama was sending a message to PETA – he’s the boss now and he’s not going to give shitty orginizations like PETA such a long leash. You’ll see: he’ll teach them who’s boss, too.

I like Obama’s plan – be nice to gays and minorities and be mean to everyone else. What a swell guy! I would have voted for him if he didn’t give off such a shitty ploy when he was running for president.

A Haiku for the Dead

The great black ocean

Now holds another airplane

Air France: a poor choice.

Old guy kills grizzly. So?

Some “senior citizen” shoves a makeshift walking cane picked up from the forest floor down a grizzly bear’s throat and kills it. Evidently everyone is shocked-and-awed only because the bear was killed by an old guy. That’s it. Nobody would have cared if it was anyone else, save for a young kid or cripple, so all he is doing is grabbing media attention. What a self-centered jerk. I hope another grizzly comes at him, but next time he won’t be so lucky because the grizzly would use Krav Maga on his old wrinkly ass.

Remember the show Rescue 911? I loved that show. It was so predictable and yet so amazing – you would have people on there giving their one well-planned-and-thought-out-version of some ridiculous event like a kid getting their tongue stuck in a bottle or a kid getting their foot stuck in the toilet, etc. and then these people who evidently had this situation occur in real life would reenact it. It was so good.

This story reminds me of Rescue 911 because everyone gave their detailed version of what they saw. I mean, come on, who cares what you saw? An innocent bear is dead because some old motherfucker decided to feed it regardless of the sign (and don’t tell me that he didn’t because you know he did (what’s that? you think he got too close to the bear’s cubs? bullshit.). I would have him arrested on animal cruelty charges because he was tempting that bear: Probably on purpose.

OH, and here’s where the story gets juicy: the old fucker’s son was shooting at the bear. How could he not have killed it? I understand that bears can withstand petty rounds, but he was using a .270 and could have put it down easily. I bet his excuse is that he has a twitch in his arm from being a veteran or that he has a limp wrist for being such a lying faggot.

This story makes me cringe at how people can believe this load of horseshit.

The last Titanic survivor died yesterday

Who gives a shit about the Titanic? That fucking boat sank in 1912. I bet you that the only reason people even know about the Titanic was because of the movie (which was just as boring as probably reading it in the headlines back when it actually did sink).

You don’t care about the Titanic, so why do you care about its last survivor dying? Oh, right – you don’t. It doesn’t piss me off that she gets publicity for dying; it pisses me off that anyone would care about some old shrew finally croaking outside of her family and friends. How come she gets the headlines for dying? I bet you won’t see “Last man to ever use a telegraph dies” in any of your newspapers, ever. Why? Who knows? The telegraph was more important than the Titanic ever was. What a crappy boat.

Nevermind. It does piss me off that she gets publicity for dying. She was nine weeks old when it happened: Does she even count as a survivor? She wasn’t even a person back then. She wasn’t sentient enough to remember it happen, so why does she get all of this glory in the first place? What an attention-grabbing bitch.

Old people are gross. Naturally, you’d be happy if something disgusting died.

Here’s something even better: She died at the age of 97. There’s still three World War I veterans alive (WWI started way after Titanic) and they’re, like, 103 or something years old. Where’s all of the cool Titanic deaths? When that hag died, it should have been mentioned that the oldest Titanic survivor to die is 113. I’m mad because she was nine weeks old and that isn’t fair because if being the longest survivor of the Titanic to live is a race; she has an unfair advantage. There’s probably a ten or so year gap between her and the next survivor. What a cheating asshole. I would kick her corpse.