May 2010: Iron Man 2, sequel to the most over-rated piece of shit movie Marvel has made to date, Iron Man, featuring some faggot named Robert Downey Jr. (I think his real name is Downer, but they had to change his stage name to Downey to mask his mental handicap of being a terrible actor) waltzing around wearing expensive soccer mom shades, flashing the peace sign and being an overall do-gooder egotistical prick like all Marvel heroes (except Edward Norton playing as Hulk: he just sucked), comes out. What happens? Fanboys come-a-runnin’.
Now, don’t get me wrong: I liked Iron Man. It was shit, sure, but it was entertaining, so it doesn’t require a scientist to understand why I, or any of the millions of douchebag gradeschoolers came running to theaters all around the world to see Robert Downey Jr. (and this time hand-in-hand with Sam Rockwell, a talentless actor who gains his fame by tainting children with lewd, rancid sex jokes (did any of you see Moon? Any Sundance movie is shit, as we all know, but Moon takes the cake. An hour and a half of this asshole running around circle-jerking with himself makes the most sane of people contemplate suicide with no forethought about the repercussions of sitting through this piece of shit film)), once again, be a douchebag — but it’s two plus hours of fun!
No, you’re wrong: Iron Man 2 was shit because Iron Man 1 was shit. The only reason you like it is because it’s Iron Ma-no, shut the fuck up. The only reason you liked Iron Man is because it was better than that piece of shit Transformers and that piece of shit Hulk and Wolverine and it was about time another superhero movie came out that didn’t suck — but it still sucked. Don’t get me wrong — I think every superhero movie, ever, has sucked — but Iron Man has to take the cake. Why? Because you like it? Partially. The other half of the equasion is because it’s Marvel. What a bunch of nerds. Since when did they get the resources to make movies — aren’t comic books extinct? What, did their stock suddenly skyrocket? I don’t understand. Someone explain this to me — it must be because they lived in the shadow of another movie company when Spider Man was being made, those selfish assholes.
Let’s face it: I can’t complain about the visuals or the company. The thing that makes Iron Man the worst, much like Transformers, Titanic, and let’s not forget Twilight, is you bumbling, ditzy prepubescent turds running to theaters to see it. I doubt you even knew who Iron Man was before the first movie came out. Do you know what we called people who liked super heroes? That’s right! We called them NERDS. And that’s what I’m going to call you, you bandwagon hopping cock gobbling circle jerking jerk. You’re the puke in the bottom of the sewage of the film market and you’re the gum that’s stuck on my shoe — you’re trash and I dispise you for everything you’re worth yet I can’t seem to get rid of you.
